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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28875648">I'm Still Here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentGreyNevada/pseuds/AgentGreyNevada'>AgentGreyNevada</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Chorus Trilogy, Coping, Death, Depressing, Funeral, Gen, Grieving, Iris - Freeform, Isolation, Post Season 13, Sad, chorus, post chorus arc, pre season 15, this aint your typical fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:13:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28875648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentGreyNevada/pseuds/AgentGreyNevada</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Season 13, the Reds and Blues take a much needed break after stopping an interplanetary war. As they begin to settle into their lives on Iris, members on both teams slowly start to realize that everything is not the way it should be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Tucker - First</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tucker noticed almost immediately when the battle against the Charon troops had ended. </p><p>The team - united as one front - rallied in their victory before Sarge led the charge to the hangar bay to stop the Mantis-class robots from being deployed. Tucker had a hard time keeping up, the suit not working like it did moments ago. It felt heavy. A giant physical and mental weight on his shoulders. </p><p>"Hey, Church?" He called out once the group reached the hangar bay. Wash, who met them there, worked with Simmons at the console to disable the droids, Sarge strutting around with his shotgun to stop any enemies from getting close. Grif was sitting on the floor, tired and exhausted while Doc and Donut complimented each other on their fighting techniques. Carolina had run off to find Hargrove after happily seeing them alive. Tucker furrowed his brow. </p><p>"Church, where are you, man? We won!" He chuckled, with a hint of nervousness. Usually Church would rebuttal with a witty or sarcastic comment. No such response came through. </p><p>"Okay men, the droids have been shut off." Wash called out to the Red and Blue soldiers. "I'll call out to Kimball to get us off this ship." Wash was already on the horn with the Chorus troop leader, requesting for immediate removal. Tucker tried not to panic, but not hearing Church's snark was throwing him off. "Tucker, let's get to the Evac Zone." Wash called out to the cyan soldier, still dawning the Meta armor. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm coming." Tucker commented quietly, not even making a 'Bow Chicka Bow Wow' to his own words. </p><p>"Really? No comment?" Simmons squinted at Tucker before shrugging it off him being tired. That suit must've weighed over 200 pounds. The Pelican landed in the hangar, allowing the troopers to board. </p><p>"Carolina, we're leaving, where are you?" Wash asked over long-range comms. Her hazy voice soon replied. </p><p>"Leave without me. I'll wait for the UNSC to take Hargrove." There was a scuffle with another man's voice heard before a loud whack. "I'll make sure he gets handed over alive." </p><p>Nodding, Wash let the pilot know they were ready to head back. Tucker stayed standing as the Pelican's back door closed shut and they began their descent back to Chorus. </p><p>"Tucker, that armor looks so <em>tight </em>on you!" Donut meant it as a compliment but everyone else cringed to the potential implications. Tucker shrugged. </p><p>"I...guess," Sulking, Tucker stood against a railing, holding onto it to not fall over. Wash crossed his arms. He sensed something was wrong, but didn't want to ask in front of the group. </p><p>A few minutes passed before the landing gear was deployed and the back hatch opened back up. Outside stood hundreds of Chorus soldiers, cheering and celebrating as the Reds and Blues disembarked from the Pelican. </p><p>"Does this mean we can <em>finally </em>have a break?" Grif whined as they walked down the slope, not waving to the troops as Simmons did so. </p><p>"Potentially. They might ask us to help rebuild their society." The maroon soldier answered his comrade. </p><p>"<em>Hell fucking no, </em>I don't clean up my own messes, let alone someone else's." Grif grumbled. Simmons knew that was very much true. </p><p>"At least can you contain the mess to your own room in the base this time?" Simmons grumbled in response as Kimball waited for them further down the landing zone. She stood proudly, her hands behind her back. She did a quick look around, counting their heads. </p><p>"Where's Agent Carolina?" She initially asked before Wash filled her in on the details. "Very well then, the UNSC will board the ship once they arrive. I'll let them know to not shoot an aqua-colored soldier." She chuckled, a couple of others in the group laughing along as well. "For now, I think I can speak on behalf of everyone that we appreciate your help. Thank you." </p><p>Among the Red and Blue soldiers, various 'You're welcomes' were echoed in response. </p><p>"For now, we can't really give you much hospitality. But, you're free to return to your normal lives. We have an isolated moon nearby that we can set you up on, but that might not be for a couple of weeks." </p><p>"Are you going to make us rebuild your city?" Grif asked. He just had to know. Kimball laughed. </p><p>"Only if you want to help. You have already done so much for us." She knew the Sim Troopers have had a long run, and she was right - they helped the people of Chorus more than any rebuilding could possibly do. </p><p>"So guys," Wash rounded up the team. "Let's head back to base, relax, and have dinner later, alright?" </p><p>Everyone nodded in harmonious agreement.</p><hr/><p>Tucker entered his room and shut the door, something still wasn't sitting right. Epsilon - <em>Church </em>would've said something by now, but he was completely radio silent. In the dim light of his small room, Tucker went to remove the helmet of the Meta's suit and saw a notification in the bottom left hand corner of the screen. </p><p>One unopened audio message. </p><p>Tucker moved to play it on speaker as he took off the helmet. </p><p><em>'Hey guys,'  </em>It was Epsilon's voice. <em>'If you're hearing this, then it means you did it. You won. You kicked the shit out of Hargrove's forces. I knew you could. But this is my last stop.'</em></p><p>Oh no. </p><p><em>'See, when I came into this world, I was really just a collection of somebody else's memories. But with your help, these memories...th-they took form! They became </em>my <em>voice, </em>my <em>personality. And, after a while, I...I began to make brand new memories of my own. All of these things are what make me who I am...but they're also holding me back. </em></p><p>Tucker sat frozen, the Meta's helmet in his hands. This couldn't be happening. </p><p>
  <em>'I can't run this suit as Epsilon, but if I erase my memories, if I...deconstruct myself, the fragments I'll leave behind will have the strength to get you through this. I believe that. </em>
</p><p>"Church...you...you didn't...." Tucker's voice was caught in his throat. </p><p><em>'I wish that there was another way. But I'm leaving this message, as well as others, in the hopes that you'll understand why I have to go this time...heh, it was actually </em>Doyle <em>who made me realize something that I've never thought of before. There are so many stories where some brave here decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero...never gets to see that ending.'</em></p><p>Tucker didn't realize it, but tears welled in his eyes, a hand went to his mouth to not scream out. </p><p>
  <em>'They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.' </em>
</p><p>"...C-Church..." Tucker croaked out, tear tracks running on his dark skin. He dropped the helmet. </p><p>
  <em>'Ain't that a bitch.' </em>
</p><p>He didn't bother removing the rest of the armor. His knees hit the floor after sliding off the bed, and he curled into a ball. Tucker hugged the helmet. Church, his friend - no, <em>best friend </em>of many years - gone. That message was the only thing he had left. And he couldn't handle that fact.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Carolina - Voice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A knock on the door. </p><p>"Tucker! Come <em>on, </em>we have dinner with Kimball!" Grif shouted through the door. Simmons was holding him back from busting it down altogether. No noise was heard from the other side. </p><p>"Maybe he took a page out of your book and took a nap. Come on, Grif." Simmons wasn't too worried about Tucker's lack of response. It was late and they did have a busy day <em>saving the planet </em>so it wouldn't be suspicious for Tucker, or anyone else to be asleep. Simmons dragged Grif away from Tucker's door and to the dining hall. He didn't want to face the teams.</p><hr/><p>"Hey, where's Tucker?" Wash asked once the buffet had opened for everyone to grab their helpings of food. Grif busted out into an <em>almost </em>sprint to be first in line and pile his plate high with different meats, no vegetables and so many sauces. </p><p>"We went to grab him on our way over. There wasn't a response when we knocked." Simmons responded with a shrug, moving to stand from his place at the round table. Wash squinted slightly. Sure, they were all exhausted, but food is <em>food. </em>He figured Tucker, next to Grif, would be the one hangry and wanting to eat an entire population of cow. He made a mental note to check on Tucker after dinner.</p><hr/><p>A knock on the door. </p><p>"Hey, Tucker? It's Wash." He knocked lightly on the door, waiting for a response. Sighing as he heard nothing, he turned to make his way down the hall as Tucker came around the corner. </p><p>"Oh...hey Wash." Tucker avoided eye contact. He was dressed down - almost looking like he threw on random clothes he found in his laundry pile. Tucker's dreads were held back by a band, but it still looked....unreasonably messy. </p><p>"Hey, did you sleep through dinner?" Wash poked at him slightly with lightheartedness in his voice. Tucker grimaced. </p><p>"Sleep. Yeah, I...took off the suit and just...." He made a motion with his hands to mean 'passing out', but that was far from the truth. The idea of closing his eyes and seeing Epsilon's form was haunting him. Wash let out another chuckle. </p><p>"Yeah, from what the Reds and Blues were saying, it was an intense battle." Wash realized what he was carrying and passed it over to Tucker. "Here, I snagged you some leftovers before Grif could hog them all." Slowly grabbing the box, Tucker retrieved it in his shaking hands. He still avoided much eye contact with the former freelancer. </p><p>"Thanks, Wash." Tucker's voice was drowning as he moved past his friend to return to the solitary of his room. Wash turned to watch him. </p><p>"Hey, everything...okay?" Wash sensed something off, but he wasn't sure if it was purely being tired or if there was an underlying issue. </p><p>Tucker appreciated Wash being concerned. If he was <em>ready </em>to talk about it, he would've. "Yeah, I'm just...drained. That suit had some kick to it..." The words nearly made him break down in front of his 'superior', but he held it together. He felt his eyes glazed over as Wash approached Tucker once more. </p><p>"Lavernius, you're my friend." Wash spoke quietly. "Know that, even though I had to be...tough on you guys at the start, I'm always here for you, okay?" He patted Tucker on the shoulder, not waiting for a response before walking off to his own room to veg out. Tucker shuddered a sigh. <em>I'm sorry David, but I can't tell you. Not yet. </em></p><hr/><p>Later that night, Carolina and Wash were hanging out in her quarters. </p><p>"So what now?" Wash asked. Him and Carolina had been talking for a little while about mundane things and about the day as a whole. He was draped across a chair as Carolina sprawled out in her bed. "Since the war is over, what are we going to do?" </p><p>"Well, I think the teams deserve some time off." Hearing Carolina say the words <em>time off </em>nearly made Wash catapult out of his seating arrangement. </p><p>"...did I hear you correctly?" He teased slightly, Carolina replying with a snicker. </p><p>"Yes you did, Wash." She moved to sit up, her red hair draping over her shoulder in a messy ponytail. "I dunno, we've been so busy recently, from stopping the war to traveling everywhere-" </p><p>"To helping find the Director," Wash included, Carolina gave him a glare, before softening her face.  </p><p>"...yeah, that too." She closed a notebook she had laying open on her bed. "I'll talk to Kimball about it. Maybe she knows a place where we can go and not be bothered." </p><p>"She mentioned earlier about Iris, a moon. It's isolated, maybe that'll work." Wash readjusted his seating position. </p><p>"Yeah, we'll just need some bases and supplies, and we'll be all set." Carolina hunched her upper back, her fingers tracing the cover of the notebook. "I'll ask her about it tomorrow. But right now, I need some rest." </p><p>"Sure thing, boss." Wash quickly moved to leave, not wanting to be in Carolina's space unwelcomed. "Sleep well, I'll swing by before breakfast." He spoke as he shut the door behind him. </p><p>With a sigh, Carolina reopened the journal.</p><p>
  <em>'Dad's death is...still touchy, but at least I can talk about what happened in the Project and know that he did care for me, and my mother. He was just blinded by his goals to recreate her. I don't think I can fully forgive him as the Director, but I can forgive him as my dad. Epsilon has been making it easier. </em>
</p><p>She stored the notebook on the bedside table and shut off the light before laying flat on her back. "Hey, Epsilon." She spoke quietly. She had been looking forward after the fight to actually talk to her AI partner without anyone else around. Although Epsilon could be quite bitchy, he was still a good person to talk to. She blinked. </p><p>"Epsilon, stop dicking around with Tucker, and come talk to me, your <em>sister</em>," She teased, adjusting her laying position and waited another minute. Still no response. </p><p>"Epsilon...?" She called out again, her voice becoming more hollow. At dinner, she heard the Reds and Blues talk about their battle with the Charon troops. It was an epic display of two 'opposing' teams working together as a unified front to overcome an obstacle. She wished she was there to witness it. And now she wanted to hear Epsilon's perspective. </p><p>"C-Church...?" She quickly sat up, feeling her neural implant. Was it broken? No no, it was well intact. Dr. Grey insisted on checking hers and Wash's every so often to make sure they wouldn't malfunction. Soon, she recalled something Simmons said at dinner: </p><p>
  <em>'Yeah, Tucker had the Meta suit on. For the first couple of minutes when the initial wave came in, he was doing these cool tricks, juggling the sword and gun and using the suit powerups, but then he stopped. He probably got tired, that suit looked HEAVY.' </em>
</p><p>He didn't stop because it was heavy and taxing on his smaller form. </p><p>He stopped because...Epsilon...</p><p>Her hands gripped the comforter when she realized what actually transpired. She curled her knees to her chest, muttering 'No' over and over again. Her hand grabbed the journal once more, writing four words as tears streamed down her reddened cheeks: </p><p>
  <em>'My brother is gone.' </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Wash - Comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wash was settling in for the night - he had on some comfy cat pajamas that Epsilon and Carolina picked out for him back before this whole mess started. He kept them hidden away and promised to himself that he wouldn't wear them until the war was deemed over. He didn't want them getting lost or ruined. </p><p>He rolled over in bed, trying to get comfortable. The normal sounds of the evening helped lure him into a light sleep before he heard something out of the ordinary. It was through the wall, he could make out the sound of a hiccup. It was consistent, but ever changing in pitch and interval. Wash focused in on the noise, and after awhile, he determined it was someone crying. <em>Carolina </em>crying. </p><p>He hurried out of bed, slipping on some sneakers before going into the hall and one door down from his. </p><p>A knock on the door. </p><p>"Carolina? Is everything okay?" He called quietly, not wanting to alert the others who might be asleep. After not hearing a response, he slowly turned the knob of the door, allowing himself to enter. </p><p>Shutting the door, the room turned dark, minus the glow of a tiny lamp on the bedside table. It barely illuminated the space and Carolina's hunched over form, sitting upright on her bed, knees to her chest and her head down. Wash approached carefully. </p><p>"Hey...what's wrong?" He asked quietly, moving her journal to sit next to her on the bed. Carolina lifted her head, her cheeks wet and red. </p><p>"H-He's gone, David." Her voice was broken as she moved a strand of her red hair away from her eyes. Wash blinked. </p><p>"...who's gone?" Asking for clarification, Wash ran through the people in his mind that she could be referring to. They had lost numerous people during the war, but he had no clue who would cause her emotions to run so high. "Everyone on our team is fi-" </p><p>"<em>Church </em>is gone." Carolina grew bitter in her tone, upset that Wash couldn't read her mind in the moment. Eyes wide, Wash repelled his upper body to hearing that Epsilon, their faithful AI companion - their friend - was gone. But he couldn't believe it. </p><p>"How do you know that he's gone?" He asked further, Carolina shaking her head. </p><p>"He won't respond." She was annoyed that Wash wouldn't accept what she knew was true, but in her head she knew Wash would do this. He wouldn't immediately believe it. </p><p>"Maybe he's resting? According to their tale, it <em>was </em>an exhausting fight." Wash leaned back, using his hands to prop him up. Carolina and him exchanged glances. "...that...isn't the case, is it?" </p><p>"I...felt something wrong. When we were heading for the Staff of Charon." She hiccupped, trying to gain her composure. Wash didn't push her to talk, but sat and listened. "And...when I...c-called out to him now...I..."</p><p>"...I..." Wash had no words. Reality was finally starting to hit him. Church was indeed gone. He exhaled, his hands gripping the bed. He didn't want to cry in front of Carolina - he wanted to be strong for her. His arms shook from emotion. </p><p>"He was the....only connection I had to family left." Carolina shuddered, pulling out another tissue from the box she had tucked away. Wash nodded in understanding. </p><p>"The only thing tying you to your dad, right?" Wash clarified as she sniffled. </p><p>"...yeah..." Her voice was meek, which was opposite of what she normally was. Wash rarely saw her like this. "I have....nothing left." </p><p>"That's not true." Wash nearly took offense to that. "Epsilon may be....gone, but you still have a family. You have <em>us.</em>" Wash gestured to where the other rooms were located, referring to the Reds and Blues combined. </p><p>"But they don't....they didn't understand where I've come from-"</p><p>"Carolina, are you forgetting about me?" Wash had an arm loosely around her shoulders. "Me, cheeky, naive David that you wanted to punt into a wall after I disappointed the team. Do I not count?" Wash gave a soft look with his blue eyes. Carolina snorted through her tears, fiddling with her fingers. </p><p>"...I...guess I do have <em>one </em>person left..." Her smile quickly faded, she knew she had Wash. But it still was never the same. "You wore the pj's." </p><p>"Huh?" Wash was distracted for a moment, but then looked down to his pajama pants. "Oh, yeah. I figured tonight would be a good night to break them in." He realized that it was no longer a good night. </p><p>"I-I remember when...Church helped pick it out..." She sniffled. It hurt to think about him, let alone talk. She covered her face with a hand. Wash gazed over at her. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. It only made him more sad. He knew he couldn't fix it, but Wash sighed. </p><p>He placed a hand on top of hers. </p><p>"Listen-"</p><p>Carolina wasn't one for intimate contact, but she gripped Wash's hand and pulled herself into Wash's embrace. He was shocked. She normally wasn't one for hugs, but he didn't reject her. He sat there quietly and let Carolina sob into his shoulder. They didn't speak, Wash eventually moved his hand to hold her tightly and rub her back, feeling tears in his own blue eyes. He was leaned against the wall where the bed rested against, before letting out a sniffle. Carolina whipped her head up. </p><p>"It's..." Wash shook his head to her sentence. She didn't need to speak. They both needed to sit. </p><p>And grieve. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They both ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. Passed out on her bed, curled into each other like spoons. Neither of them could conceptualize sleeping alone that night. Wash being the big spoon, wanting to protect Carolina. He didn't cry that much after his initial outburst of sadness. He wanted to help Carolina grieve. </p><p>Carolina had clung to Wash's arm around her waist during her sleep. Outside of her relationship with York <em>years </em>ago, she strayed away from much physical contact. But she needed it. </p><p>A knock on the door. </p><p>"GOOD MORNING AGENT CAROLINA!" Caboose yelled through the door. Both freelancers groaned to the sudden noise, simply enjoying being asleep and without nightmares, with the company of each other. Carolina cleared her throat. </p><p>"Is...is something wrong, Caboose?" She called back. </p><p>"NO! IT'S TIME FOR BREKKIE, haveyouseenAgentWashington?" He asked, still through the door. Even though Caboose could be...invasive at times, he knew better than to barge into Carolina's room. She was still a scary lady to him. </p><p>"Urk...." She grunted, moving to sit up. Her body was surprisingly sore. "No, I've been in here the whole time, Caboose." Grunting, she stretched her arms upwards, Wash still laying on the bed, trying to wake himself up. </p><p>"OKAY! I'LL GO FIND HIM!" Caboose thudded down the hall, sprinting and knocking something over in the process. Carolina sighed with rolled in shoulders. </p><p>"...good luck finding him." She mumbled with a slight smirk to her tone, gazing back to look at Wash. His blond-tipped hair was messy, dark bags under his eyes. Carolina wasn't sure if he didn't sleep well, or those were natural at this point. "Hey sleepy head." </p><p>Wash chuckled to the tease before sitting up, pushing the gray comforter down to the edge of the bed. "Listen, I didn't <em>plan </em>on falling asleep here-" </p><p>"I know." Her voice had a cold edge. "It...we just...needed the company." She shifted her body to face Wash more, her leg tucked underneath her while the other dangled off the edge of the bed. She picked at her fingernails, Wash observing gently. </p><p>"...yeah." He sighed deeply. He felt better than last night, but Epsilon's presence still lingered everywhere. It was going to be hard to get through the day without looking like a depressed mess. "We should...probably go to breakfast. So no one suspects anything." </p><p>"Do you mean <em>Tucker?" </em>Carolina stood, stretching backwards with her hands on her lower back. "I'll throw him into the Purge Tower if he tries to insinuate that we-" </p><p>"No. That's...not at all what I meant." Wash quickly course corrected Carolina's train of thought. "He...wasn't acting normal yesterday. And I think I know why."</p><hr/><p>The two freelancers were the last to come to the dining hall while the teams conversed, chowing down on plates of eggs, sausage and toast. Well, for Grif it was eggs and a shit ton of ketchup. Wash overheard them talking about how it was a sin to eat eggs with ketchup, a very heated topic amongst Red Team. Caboose was just vibing, Tucker having barely touched his food. </p><p>"GOOD MORNING AGENT WASHINGTON!" Caboose shouted, startling the shit out of Tucker. </p><p>"<em>Jesus </em>do you have to yell?" Tucker hissed, two fingers pressed into his temples. It looked like he was trying to massage off a headache or something. </p><p>"It's okay Tucker, Caboose is just excited to see me," He gave a pat to Tucker's shoulder and offered Caboose a smile before the soldier went back to eating. Carolina and Wash went off to retrieve their helpings of breakfast before joining the combined team at the table. "So, how did everyone sleep?" </p><p>"Slept like a baby." Sarge spoke up, disengaging for a moment with Grif about his ketchup-egg sins. "Those beds are rocks, which are <em>super </em>comfortable." </p><p>"My back feels broken." Simmons grumbled, chewing on some bacon with some annoyance. </p><p>"I dunno. It felt good to me. But sleep <em>always </em>feels good to me." Wash noted the amount of ketchup bottles around Grif and shuddered. </p><p>"I...slept fine." Tucker mumbled under his breath, opting to eat cereal instead of hot foods. He avoided eye contact with Wash. Carolina and Wash exchanged glances. Now she understood what he meant. </p><p>"I saw Freckles in my dreams!" Caboose happily stated. "We played with Church!" The rest of Blue Team fell silent. </p><p>"Where is Epsilon?" Simmons then asked. Wash felt a frog in his throat. </p><p>"He's resting." Tucker quickly interjected before people would ask more questions. "The...fight and the suit really wore him out. He just needed to deactivate, or whatever for a couple of days." </p><p>Carolina raised a brow. Tucker definitely <em>knew </em>something, but did not want to bring it up in front of the group. </p><p>"Anyways, I'm going back to my room." Tucker immediately stood to return his cereal bowl and snag a bottle of water before heading for the barracks. </p><p>"Geez, what's his problem? Glad you don't have someone like that on our team..." Simmons chuckled nervously as Wash also stood, following the soldier back to his room. </p><p>"Tucker." Wash caught him unlocking his room door. He froze in place, head down, before shifting to give a glance at Wash. They locked eyes. Tucker shuddered. </p><p>
  <em>He knows. He knows that I know. </em>
</p><p>"...yeah?" His voice was starting to shake. He hasn't yet verbalized his thoughts with anyone since he discovered the unfortunate news, so this was going to be a rough conversation. </p><p>"...he's really not resting. Is he." Wash stayed somewhat vague, not wanting to outwardly accuse Tucker of his knowledge. </p><p>In a mild panic, Tucker leaned against the door frame and shook his head, his teal eyes at the floor. </p><p>"...I...he..." He couldn't form words. He sputtered for what felt like hours before arms were suddenly around him. Wash pulled him into an embrace. </p><p>"It's okay." Was all Wash said before Tucker sniffled up a storm in the freelancer's hug. Hugging Wash from below, tears welled in his eyes as Wash struggled not to cry with him. </p><p>"It's <em>not </em>okay." Tucker corrected, hiccupping as his chin nearly rested on Wash's shoulder. "I-I should've said something-" </p><p>"But you didn't. And that's okay." Wash whispered, his hand running up Tucker's back to hold his head, to hold his friend close. </p><p>"I-I can't believe he's...g-g..." Tucker couldn't speak the full word as Wash shushed him. Wash had never seen Tucker cry before. This must've really been hurting the sim trooper. </p><p>"I know. I...can't believe it either." Wash didn't want to believe it, but given Tucker's current mental state and Carolina's observations, he couldn't deny it much longer. "I...thought he was resting, like you said to everyone. I thought he needed a break from being overly stressed and used during that fight. But...I guess he's...not coming back." Wash's words wavered as he maintained composure for Tucker's sake. He didn't realize it but Tucker had dug his fingernails into his backside, trying to get closer, but that was physically impossible. </p><p>"I...want to say...<em>so </em>many things..." Tucker choked through his words, turning his head so that his right ear was against Wash's firm chest. "I...wanted to tell him..." </p><p>"Why don't we write it down?" Wash suggested, moving to look Tucker in the eyes. "That way, you'll always have those words with you. It might help them get it off your chest easier." </p><p>After a moment of thinking, Tucker nodded to the plan, and both men entered his room.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>'Dear Church, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or should I call you Epsilon? Or the asshole leader we had after Flowers died? Well, you weren't a TOTAL asshole, but you were still dickish. Sometimes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You leaving fucking sucks, dude. It's not cool for you to up and leave like that. Our team is gonna fall apart without you. Caboose doesn't know as of now, but he's going to find out eventually and...it's going to probably kill him and his very big and disturbingly fragile heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I mean, I understand why you did it. You did it to help us win. So we can live to see another day. But I wish it didn't have to end like this. I wish you were still here to see that new day with us. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll miss our jokes, dicking around in the canyon, standing around and just...talking. Like old times. I miss the old days, before we were mixed in with the freelancers or stuck on Chorus. Not that I hate Wash and Carolina or helping Chorus, but I miss just being dicks in a canyon in a meaningless fight. Those times feel so simple now, don't they? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish we got to speak before you left. Minus me saying I'll see you on the other side. If I had known, I would've said more words, but...I knew why you had to keep us in the dark. To give us hope. </em>
</p><p><em>And now I...feel empty. Wash is making me...no, I </em>wanted <em>to write this. Get my emotions out, blah blah blah. I feel better...? But you not being here still fucking blows, and not in the good way. There's just a...big vacant spot now. I dunno how to fill it. Yeah, you want to hear me say 'Bow chicka bow wow' one more time, don't ya? </em></p><p>
  <em>If I can sum up my feelings, it'd be this: I'll miss you, Church. Even though we kinda were...dicks in Blood Gulch, you were my friend. One of my best. </em>
  <em>And I'll never forget you for that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your forever friend in time and space, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lavernius Tucker</em>
</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Wash: Assignments</h2></a>
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    <p>It had been a busy few days for Wash and Carolina, at least. The rest of the troopers considered them to be cursed - they had a lot of paperwork to help with and aided in troop assignments. But to the two of them, it was a blessing. It helped get their mind off Church. </p><p>Wash had been assisting with assigning tasks to their team to prepare for their move to Iris. Kimball had granted them all of the permission to move there and go on vacation - she even offered to have bases built for them too. Of course, Wash and Carolina were grateful, but Kimball didn't know what had happened yet. </p><p>"Alright, where is he...?" Wash sat in a room within their quarter space, meeting with the troopers individually to figure out the best tasks for everyone. He started with Tucker and worked his way through Red Team before finally-</p><p>"I AM HERE, HELLO." Caboose busted through the opened doorway and bounded over to Washington. Wash was normally receptive of his rambunctious behavior, but, the sudden deafening tone made Wash wince and blink the sand from his eyes. </p><p>"Hiya, Caboose." Wash mustered the best light hearted smile he could, squinting his blue eyes. "Have a seat." </p><p>"OKAY!" Caboose plopped himself in a seat right next to Wash, while he was pointing to the vacant chair <em>across </em>from him. Wash gave a deep sigh and turned his chair to face the hyper soldier. </p><p>Wash's mouth went agape. He...couldn't find words. His blue eyes gazed up and down Caboose's bouncing form, humming while quickly looking around the conference room. He didn't seem to have a care in the world. No stress, no fear. Purely <em>innocent</em>. </p><p>"I...uhm..." The soldier cleared his throat, hoping to regain his thought process. His words didn't return. Staring at Caboose, all he could picture was a tiny Epsilon floating next to him. He struggled to maintain a sense of composure, his mind wandering at what the future was going to bear, he couldn't stand the possibility of what could happen- </p><p>"...Agent Washington?" He snapped back to reality with Caboose's calm, and strangely concerned words. The bumbling blue was sitting still in his chair, his wide, brown eyes darting over Wash's lightly freckled face, like he was searching for something.</p><p>"...yes, Caboose?" Wash kept his tenor voice from cracking. </p><p>"Uhhhhhhhhhh what did you call me in here for?" Caboose poked his own cheek in question, still curiously looking at Wash. </p><p>"Right, your....assignment." Wash shuffled some papers, pretending like they weren't in the right order and disorganized. He only fooled himself. "I'll...need you to...make sure nothing gets left behind. In terms of our own equipment." </p><p>"OKAY!" Caboose shot up from the chair and bounded out the door before Wash could fix his words. He just gave him the worst assignment.</p><hr/><p>"Bullshit." Simmons, Tucker, Grif and Caboose sat around a table later that evening with some soft glow of candles and window light illuminating their cards. Grif just called Simmons's bluff. </p><p>"W-What?!" Simmons immediately got flustered, his pale cheek turning red. "I'm telling the truth! I just put down a 3 of Hearts!" </p><p>Grif slyly moved his hand to the center pile, turning over the top card to show an Ace of Spades. "Nice try nerd, take the deck." Simmons grumbled, grabbing the pile of 15 cards and putting them into his hand. </p><p>"So, y'all excited to move to Iris? I know I'm pumped." Tucker spoke, still in his undersuit as he picked a card from his hand to place face down at the center of the small table. "I'll start us with 4 of clubs." </p><p>"Five of diamonds." Grif was leaned back in his chair and haphazardly threw the card onto the table. "Yeah, I'm excited to just relax and do <em>nothing</em>." </p><p>"Then...what are we doing right now?" Simmons questioned, squinting at Grif from across the table. Caboose was struggling to pick a card, seeing it was his turn. </p><p>Grif rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. No more adventures, no more running around and saving <em>other </em>people. Just an endless time of napping and eating." </p><p>"...food nap time GO FISH!" Caboose placed down a Draw 4 card from an Uno deck. The three paused in their banter. </p><p>"...Simmons, why is that in the deck?" Tucker glanced to the red head as he picked up the card. </p><p>"I dunno, Caboose probably just found it." </p><p>"YES I DID! I FOUND IT UNDER GRIFF'S BED!" </p><p>"Why were you under my bed? Were you also trying to find my Twinkie stash??" </p><p>"Well, I did find it there, but! My job is to make sure nothing gets left behind!" </p><p>"What?" Tucker sputtered before realizing. "Oh, you mean the job Wash assigned to you?" Tucker shook his head after Simmons placed another card. "Damn, mine was to ration our weapon and ammo supply. 7 of clubs." </p><p>"I'm in charge of living arrangements." Grif spoke proudly, muttering a '8 of spades'. "You bet my ass I'm not letting Sarge or Carolina choose what beds we're sleeping in." </p><p>"I'm in charge of the food supply." Simmons puffed out his chest ever so slightly as he waited for Caboose to pull another card. Grif groaned. </p><p>"<em>You</em> got put in charge of food?! Why wasn't it me??" Grif nearly seemed offended by that atrocity. </p><p>"Well, probably because Agent Washington knows you'll <em>eat </em>all of our rations before we even land on Iris." Simmons gazed lightly at Grif with his green eyes. </p><p>"Mister Washington seemed really sad." Caboose spoke, again trying to pick a card. "It seemed like he was not telling me something....GO FISH!" Tucker immediately felt a rock in his throat. He was positive Wash and Carolina haven't told anyone else, but tiptoeing around Caboose and his...Caboose-iness was going to be rather difficult, especially the longer this goes on with Epsilon being 'missing'. "9 of golf club. Church said I would be good at golf club - wait a minute...where's Church?" </p><p>The table went silent, Grif and Simmons looking between each other before glancing to Tucker who was hiding behind his deck of cards. </p><p>"I already told you, Caboose. He's resting." He felt like he has practiced this lie a billion times, but it still sounded so fake to Tucker. Caboose would easily fall for it, shrugging before shuffling his own deck for no reason. Grif and Simmons merely exchanged glances again before looking to Tucker. </p><p>"I'm getting tired, I'm gonna go lay down." Tucker suddenly stood up, his cards slapping face down on the table. Caboose blinked before stealing Tucker's cards. </p><p>"Does this mean I win??" He asked as Tucker began walking away. </p><p>"Sure, buddy." Tucker's mood was down, his voice indicating as such and Grif easily picked up on it. </p><p>"Something's not right." Grif mumbled to Simmons, now slouched over the table. </p><p>"What was that, Mister Orange Aid?" </p><p>"Nothing, we should also head off to bed. You know Carolina is gonna have us working early tomorrow." Grif stretched upwards before moving to stand. Simmons followed suit, taking the cards back and organizing them. </p><p>"Okay! Goodnight Griff and Simons!" Caboose shouted before running off down the hall. The two Reds exchanged another glance before Simmons sighed. </p><p>"Yeah, something is definitely up." He just hoped it was nothing too drastic this time. </p>
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